year 2, semester 2: the return to blogging

I'm back writing on this beautiful and balmy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, with semester 1 of my second year of teaching tucked safely under my belt. Some wonderful changes that I've been enjoying this year include:

• A MUCH MORE RELAXED view of classroom management that allows me to enjoy the students for who they are, while keeping a classroom that has at least a small semblance of mutual respect.
• A larger staff of bright, creative individuals who bless and challenge me.
• A more challenging curriculum, which currently is reading Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer and discussing questions like Do we need people to survive? and Is money what you need to live a fulfilling life?

While I have found these changes to be a huge relief in my day-to-day experience, the difficulties of the early years of teaching still exist. I still struggle with keeping students accountable for their performance in class. I still fail to call parents and build relationships with them. I am still disorganized. And I still let my emotions at the end of the day dictate whether I should quit - or try again tomorrow.

Overall, though, I know I am improving as a teacher. And I know I am in a great school, with great kids. And I know, most importantly, that no matter how I feel at the end of the day, when the papers have settled and the classroom has quieted, that I have been given the ability to do this job. Not on my own - I learned that last year - but through the gentle words and steadfast love of the greatest Teacher any student could ask for. Only through Him am I able to do anything, let alone run a classroom and love on students.

As this semester begins, I remember Paul's words to Timothy:

"Now the goal of our instruction is love that comes from a pure heart, a good conscience, and a sincere faith." 1 Timothy 1:5

I don't have that pure heart, good conscience, or sincere faith all the time. I have to ask for them. They don't come naturally to me like laziness, performing at the minimum level, or growing bitter do. But when I come to school in the darkness of a winter's morning, with hymns playing on the radio and a fervent prayer in my heart, I get what I need to get out of the car, walk up the steps, and enter the building with peace and reassurance. I remember that I am dealing with souls, not just brains and hearts, who may need a gentle word or an affirming smile to break through the darkness in their lives. So I put my bag down at my desk, turn on the Smartboard, and wait in expectation for the chance to be salt and light.

Here's to a second semester of deep questions, quality discussion, and challenging reading. Here's to patience, consistency, and a love that does not change based on students' performance. Here's to goodness and mercy making their presence known at our school. I look forward to what awaits us.

"Education is not the filling of a pail but the lighting of a fire." - William Butler Yeats

the end of year 1: reflections from students

My first year of teaching ended officially on Friday, June 10. When I think over some of the things that happened and the people I met this year, it's crazy to think it was all real.

I had students write me letters and fill out surveys. Here are some of my favorite responses to sum up this first year:

1) What did you learn this year?

"I learned to use polite words and read better." 7th grade boy

"I liked learning about propaganda through narcocorridos because not only did I learn about propaganda but I also learned about my country." 7th grade girl

"How to correct my writing, now it's better than it used to be." 7th grade girl

"I liked the personal narrative because you learn something new about yourself, you learn stuff that you don't remember and stuff." 6th grade boy

"I liked SSR because I like to read now." 7th grade girl

2) What should we read, watch, or learn about next year?

"Hangover 2, it's a funny movie." 7th grade boy

"More projects thank you." 6th grade boy

"I think we should read The Skin I'm In." 6th grade girl

"Locomotion got my heart!" 6th grade girl

"Little Women, The Secret Garden." 6th grade girl after my own heart :)

3) How can I improve as your teacher?

"Sometimes you would be too hard on us, but I loved how you teached (sic)." 6th grade girl

(I teached so well! Yikes...)

"You can improve by making it funner." 7th grade boy

(Sigh, see above...)

"Do more hands on activities." 6th grade boy

"GET the right person instead of getting everyone. Make all students get a note and put the person who did it." 7th grade boy

"When one person gets into trouble, then try not to stop everyone else from having fun. That just makes people upset." 6th grade girl

"Yell more! jk lol." 6th grade girl

"You sometimes couldn't control behavior. Be more strict." 6th grade boy

"I think you should take a little more time explaining. Instead of putting it on the board you should explain it." 7th grade girl

"I think it was kinda hard to learn. Try better next time." 6th grade boy

"TOO MUCH WORK" lazy and very smart 6th grade girl :)

And finally, a great suggestion to wrap up this blog post and this year:

"Have a great summer, take a cruise or something." 6th grade girl

(noted!)

week 40: s***, f***, d*** and spoken word

It's been a while since my last post (HA) so here's a 45-second wrap up of the past several weeks:

- A student from our school was expelled for gang-related activity that injured another student

- We took the Missouri MAP test and are still waiting on the results

- Our new staff for next year is complete and they seem pretty awesome

- We had the Science Fair in week 39

- Almost all students have their Worlds of Fun tickets for the last week of school

- We have 2 weeks of classes left as of tomorrow

- With help I started our very own AVMS writing club, the Inkslingers (not a tattoo parlor I promise)

It's the Inkslingers that I am writing about today.

The club came about during a typical Tuesday morning staff meeting with the principal and the core teachers in March. Next year, there will be tutoring time built into the school day, some of which will be used for academic tutoring and some of which will be used for clubs and organizations. This is thrilling for us AND the kiddos, because this year, outside of our amazing music program and a few valiant efforts at organized sports, there wasn't much available for the students as far as extracurriculuar opportunities. I, most definitely, jumped on the "novel" idea of sponsoring a writing club next year (pun!!!), with publishing opportunities, events, etc. However, as we were finishing our poetry unit in 6th grade LA, I realized that we just MIGHT have enough student interest to start our club THIS YEAR.

Tonight, we hosted one of my principal's amazing writing acquaintances as our first guest speaker. I'll be referring to her as Ms. El.

When Ms. El came into my room, I was stuck by how big she was - tall, wide, a commanding presence. Her head was shaved and she had the large kind eyes one would describe as soulful. While she got situated pulling up various poetry links on my computer, I lingered outside in the hallway. I was nervous, wondering how many students would actually stay today (tutoring has been a major fail as far as student retention this year). Faces of students flashed by me in the hallway and flitted through my mind. So many of them are creative, thoughtful, introspective writers, but only a few know this about themselves. I wanted those kids to be the ones to come today.

Sure enough, that's who showed up. All 6th graders except for 1 7th grade girl. 3 boys, 8 girls. Some have proved that they have a way with words, others have that interest in a place so deep that even they can't see it yet. While they rustled their cookie bags and slurped their Capri Suns, Ms. El took the floor and introduced herself. I can summarize her introduction in a few words: Intensity. Sass. Depth. Humor. The kids were completely drawn in right from the beginning.

She talked about being a feminist (we used Latin roots to determine the meaning of that word) then performed a poem called," S.O.S - For The Girls" or something similar. She raised her voice and lowered it, walked to and fro, shimmied her overabundant hips and signaled with her hands and fingers.

I watched the students as Ms. El performed. They were SO uncomfortable at first with her bold performance. I think it made them feel exposed. My theory is they are trying so hard, every day, to blend in with their surroundings, so that when they see a woman - an older woman - a very large black woman - putting herself in what seemed to them to be an uncomfortable position, they are thoroughly mystified and confused. Regardless of the trepidation written all over their little faces, Ms. El received a thunderous wave of applause at the end of her poem.

From there we discussed the purpose of performance poetry. Ms. El discussed its use as a tool to make political and social statements. I cut my eyes towards the kids, beginning to worry that this was going way over their heads. But no, they seemed focus. They were keeping up with her statements about being a minority, being a woman, and expressing that joy and frustration through poetry.

She managed to get one of the students to come up and stand with her. She asked the student to rap for us. Now this student is known as a rapper, I've seen her notebook where she keeps her raps. But, as middle schoolers are wont to do, the paralyzing fear of being in front of her peers overwhelmed her.

So the other students ducked their heads, averted their eyes, leaned back, turned away. Suddenly, the student found her rap. She performed it. We all clapped. The sudden flood of support for this one student nearly knocked me out. And her shining eyes as she sat down nearly brought me to tears.

Then Ms. El decided to show some poetry clips from YouTube. I was game, the kids were game. But my heart leapt into my throat when the language emerged. Here are just a few of the words that were performed by the slam poets on the clips she chose:

-vagina

-nigger

-shit

-damn

-fuck

-motherfucker

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everything within me rebelled - my teacher sense were going haywire, my spiritual senses were tingling. I began to calculate how many irate phone calls I was going to receive from parents tomorrow. I wondered if I was aiding the spiritual darkness around my students by standing silently by while they engaged in this R-rated material.

But the amazing thing was, the students engaged with the language by examining it as a tool. Ms. El explained that "you have to take responsibility for your words." As a result, there was limited giggling once they heard these words. No one grimaced, smirked, or laughed. They just watched, listened, and discussed them at a distance. You must understand that when 11, 12, and 13 year olds do this, it's stunning.

I can not wait for our writing club next year. Now's the time for me to get back into the groove of being a practicing writer to prepare!

weeks 30-31: our own version of March Madness

Oh, folks. How unprepared I was for the onset of spring fever that came out of nowhere these 2 weeks and wreaked havoc on our school. Everyone is very thankful for the 2 days of spring break we'll all enjoy on the 28th and 29th.

The few days of brilliantly warm weather must have sparked some hysteria, because I feel like I've been kicking students out of my classes left and right.

I'm not the only one dealing with it. Our principal informed us that 4 kids actually left us this week. FOUR. As in: 3 were expelled for fighting and 1 withdrew (our sexual harassment ringleader from last semester).

Although it's terrible to have middle school students withdraw or be expelled, our school is already benefitting from the absence of these students. They were just causing us to expend way too much of our energy and taking our focus away from the rest of the students. I'm finding that while I agree with the fact that middle school students lack the brain development to make educated, mature decisions, they still definitely understand what they're doing (to some degree). This is especially true with repeat offenders.

Besides the bad news about our students, positive and interesting things are happening to get us ready for our next round of state testing. Students in each individual homeroom made T-shirts with slogans that they will wear when they take the test. My homeroom's slogan of choice is,"Failure is not an option." I'm a fan.

We had a poetry workshop last week, when a board member who is a police officer and a writer came to walk our students through writing a good poem about food. His humor and approachable introduction to poetry was received well by the students who attended. I purposely chose some talented writers as well as low ability students who I thought would benefit from the workshop. For the most part, students were into it, which is always neat to see.

On Friday the 25th we had the 2nd annual AVHS talent show and the first ever Battle of the Bands, which pitted the high school bands against our middle school band. I got asked to be a judge, which was CRAZY, because I barely read music and struggled to find different ways to say,"awesome!" or "not so good." The MS band came in 2nd behind one of the HS bands, but there wasn't much of a point difference there. Hopefully this means the HS bands will grow much stronger when our MS students, with their years of band experience, come to the high school!

Now we have April looming ahead, with zero days off, then May, then 2 weeks in June. We're rounding the corner toward the home stretch, with about 10 weeks left total. Here's to finding enough fun things to engage the students so we all don't succumb to spring fever!

weeks 24-29: stamps, sweetness, and saturday school

In teaching you cannot see the fruit of a day's work. It is invisible and remains so, maybe for twenty years. ~Jacques Barzun

Another summary! Sigh. Here we go, quick recap of the end of winter/beginnings of spring:

• In week 24-25, we began a NEW positive behavior system that revolved around self-inking stamps. Students keep their planners open on their desk during every class. They receive stamps from the teacher for all of the following, plus more: being on time to class, answering questions, following directions, taking the extra step to clean their area or help others, etc. At the end of each week, students can "buy" various privileges with their stamps like bathroom/dress down passes, eating lunch outside, a ticket to Worlds of Fun in May, etc. or they can "bank" their stamps with their Aztec homeroom teacher. Since then, we have seen a HUGE improvement in behavior across the board. Now the good kids are truly being rewarded, and some of them are racking up ginormous amounts of stamps. Our principal is frantically trying to find "big" enough privileges for some of these no-stamp-spenders by the end of the year!

• By the end of February, we had had a total of 10 snow days. TEN. I'm still waiting to hear what the state has decided on whether or not we have to make them all up. It's going to be a long spring anyway since our original last day of school was June 3. Now that we have all these days to make up - basically, we might as well just adopt a year-round school calendar at this rate. Unless the state will be merciful to us...here's hoping we don't go past June 6!

• We have had a breakout of drugs at the school. It's not clear who is selling and who is buying, but we are all watching any pairs or clumps of students vigilantly, especially if they seem to be passing anything to each other. We also have students drinking energy drinks that are actually depressants which mimic the effects of cough syrup. What pubescent male wants to take depressants?! At the very least it may be hero worship, at the worst, trying to offset the effects of stimulants. Knowing that my young students are exposed to drugs and are exposing each other to their dangers is stressful and heartbreaking.

• Spring fever is causing some turbulence to emerge among the students. The student who led the sexual harassment ring from last semester returned to school. He lasted for a week or two as far as good effort in class and respectful behavior. But now he is up to his old behaviors. Two students were suspended for fighting, 1 was suspended for directing sexually inappropriate comments toward female students, and 1 was suspended under mysterious circumstances. They're dropping like flies, and it's only March! We have 2 1/2 more months left...yikes...

• Parent-teacher conferences, round 2. This was in week 27 or 28. This time, I was the teacher that every single parent wanted to see, since many students were failing both my classes (homework, kids, do your homework!) and I also had NWEA test scores to share with parents. To quote a favorite YouTube video , "it's like one continuous stream of TALKING."

• My poetry unit took off like a marvelous rocket - these 6th graders are born writers. Some moreso than others, but for the most part everyone is willing to try their hand at poetry. We tried an activity I'd read about in college called "found poetry" - I cut up a bunch of random song lyrics intro strips, mixed them all up in a bag, and had students draw 4 strips out of the bag to glue onto some cardstock. They came up with titles on their own. I was so impressed by their arranging of the lines that I made a display outside my room:

• The reasons for the quote at the beginning of this post: In weeks 27-28 I had a young lady (who is one of our strongest readers and most talented writers) share her personal poetry with me. I read it, gave her compliments and constructive criticism. Our interactions were not movie-moment gushy. At least I didn't think so. But later I received a pleasant surprise from this student that indicated how profoundly young teens are affected by an adult showing interest in them and giving them affirmation. This week, week 29), the student informed me that she had a poem she'd written about me as a gift. Here it is, a lovely acrostic poem that totally made my week:

• Another student used her stamps at the end of this week (week 29) to "buy" a special lunch with me for next week! This is a new privilege that the principal came up with for this week. It costs a considerable amount of stamps. This student who wants to eat lunch with me is extremely QUIET. Air circulating in an empty classroom makes more noise than she does. Also, I have seen her smile once this school year. And that was a thin, close-lipped smile. We have not interacted that much, certainly not as much as I've interacted with other, louder students. Yet she wants to spend time together one-on-one next week. I literally can't wait for the chance to spend time with her and see past her serious facade.

• One of science teacher Ms. B's guinea pigs, Alvin Theodore, passed away in week 29. :( SO SAD!!! Ms. B and several students had an impromptu funeral outside the school. Most students showed appropriate serious respect - however, a few 6th graders did see the lighter side of the situation. One left a note on the secretary's desk that said, "I would like to apologize to Alvin Theodore for naming you after a chipmunk when you are a guinea pig." When instructed to write a poem about the passing of the guinea pig, here's what one student came up with: "Roses are red, the guinea pig is dead."

• And the final addition to the update: Saturday School. We decided to have 2 intensive MAP-preparation (another state test - sigh) Saturdays this semester. The first one happened today, March 12, and it was Language Arts skills that we targeted. Six teachers (including me) committed to teach six topics: root words, summarizing, inferences, context clues, figurative language, and writing constructed responses. I wrote lesson plans for 2 while the other LA teacher and our SPED teacher wrote the other 4. Each one was planned to last app. 25 minutes so the students could rotate between the teachers/topics and not get burned out. It was stressful preparing for this - I do not consider myself a good skill-targeted instructor, so it was difficult to fit lessons with input, practice, and authentic learning into 25-minute chunks. It took me too long to plan it and I tried unsuccessfully not to be stressed all the way through Friday evening.

• I knew I would get paid for Saturday School no matter the outcome, so I was prepared to put on a happy face when I walked into the building this morning. What I was not prepared for was how GREAT Saturday School would be. All of the students we asked to come, came. All 22 of them. Fresh-faced, even if pajama-clad. Ready to learn, even though it was the weekend. I had no idea how much FUN it would be to spend 25 minutes at a time with tiny groups of them - only 2-4 students at a time. I was amazed by how quickly the time passed. I may show up for next week's math-focused Saturday School, it was that great!

Spring is near, Daylight Savings Time is tomorrow, soon nature will start showing tangible growth and hopefully my students will, too. :)

week 23: "how are we supposed to know this?

I had a joint observation this week from my principal and the high school principal. I thought they were coming to my reading class, but something convinced me the night before my JO that I needed to revamp the language arts lesson plans. So I stayed up 2 hours later than normal to change everything around. I went to bed fussy, got up in the morning and went to school, only to have the principals walk in to my most challenging LA class of 21 low ability, LOUD students! Good thing someone (aka the Lord) nudged me into spicing up my plans!

Everything went fairly smoothly (for that class) - but we were making posters and spent too long getting situated and putting away supplies. All of a sudden I realized I only had 12 minutes to cover about 15-20 min worth of our novel study. Sooooooooooooo...I had a split second decision to make. Go ahead with the novel stuff and not expect much? Or, quickly come up with something else?

Being one to fold under pressure, I decided to plow ahead with our novel study. I was frustrated, the kids were frustrated, but I wasn't prepared for what happened at the very end of class. When I asked students if they had any questions, one boy raised his hand and asked, "How are we supposed to know this?"

Right. In front. Of the two principals. BLURGH.

I had never felt so ridiculous and embarrassed in my life. I acquiesced that he had a point, explained that we would finish it during our next class, and somehow sent them on their way/finished the school day.

One goal for next year: improve my timing so I can get to everything I need to. Also: don't call on any smart-aleck kids when the principals come to observe. :)

snow days = catching up on the blog, weeks 8-23, YIKES.

Well...the inevitable happened. I let life get in the way of keeping my blog updated about school happenings. Here's a quick recap of weeks 8-23 (!!!!!!!!):

• Week 8: My birthday was on Tuesday and I learned a lovely lesson: our students LOVE BIRTHDAYS. I was serenaded at least 3 times by different groups of students. Not just "Feliz Cumpleanos," but also this little ditty: http://gomexico.about.com/od/historyculture/qt/mananitas.htm I received several handmade cards, which are all decorating my wall by my desk. Adorable and so affirming. The crowning glory of the day was a surprise visit from my mom during my 6th hour Reading class. The students crowded around and said hi. One of them looked at my mom and said, "We're Ms. Branch's kids, so that makes you our grandma!" and gave her the HUGEST hug. Absolutely precious.

• Week 9: Funny that a wonderful week would be followed by a wretched one. This week was interesting because it was the Self-Esteem week. It didn't sit well with me to be preaching the world's doctrine of self-love and self-acceptance with my students. On one hand, they DO need to know they are beautifully and wonderfully made, just as they are. On the other hand, I am absolutely convinced that my generation and the following generations have been glutted to death concerning our wonderfulness. The result? An ego-driven view of life that culminates in entitlement and self-obsession. I see this all the more clearly as a teacher. Not just in my students, but also in myself. While they are aggressively countering my requests with "Why?", I am secretly fuming that they are not doing what I say. I take it personally, as an affront against my very self. Whoops.

• Week 10: This week we began our Scary Story Contest. My students' definition of scary stories? Clowns. La Llorona. Murder, blood and gore, complete with makeup. Yikes.

• Week 11: We started our Behavior Card system this week. Basically, students have 5 symbols on their cards and they get new cards each week. During the week, they can get their cards hole-punched for various things including but not limited to: tardies, untucked shirts, shouting out in class, being disrespectful, no homework, etc. Some students are thriving on this, others lose all 5 symbols on Monday before 3rd hour.

• Week 12: 6th graders finished their Holes projects and my Aztec planned their testing goals for May. The prize for the class that meets their class goal (ours is that 60% of us meet our individual goals) is a free trip to Worlds of Fun in May.

• October-early November: I attempted to run National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) with my students. One success: middle schoolers are a great age for this project - full of creativity and interest in participating, yet mature enough to handle it. One failure: I quickly learned that I did not plan for the process of keeping track of novels, editing novels, or publishing novels. The result: many students lost or destroyed their work and only a few came away with an electronic file of their story. Also, 2 laptops were stolen and I am shamefully admitting that they were most likely stolen under my watch.

• Thanksgiving Break to end of the semester: During this time I was made aware of the hormonal filth going on in adolescent boys' minds: I was poked in the rear by a male student from my homeroom during their reading class. It was one of three suspects who I turned my back to while speaking to another student, and I never found out who did it. But when I took those three students outside and shakily yelled at them for sexual harassment, the wonderful Christian man who is our orchestra teacher happened to be in the hallway. He went straight to the principal and she proceeded to see every student from my homeroom until the truth came out: We had a ring of boys who were playing a game involving levels of dares of a sexual nature directed against the teachers.

They had poked another teacher besides me and had actually poked me once already (at the time I blamed my clumsiness since I often bump into students while moving between rows).
A camera phone had been used to look up yet another teacher's skirt. Sexual gestures had been made behind many of the female teachers' backs and sexual comments had been muttered under their breath.

The student at the center of all this turned out to be one who was generally regarded as "dead weight" in the classroom: he refused to do work unless coaxed, prodded, dragged or threatened (meaning Mom would have been called) through assignments. He had a lot mroe going on underneath his vacant demeanor than anyone would have thought. With a known active gang member for an older brother, he was coercing the male students into this sexual game by threatening them with physical punishment at the hands of his brother and "friends" if they did not participate.

That student was suspended for about 40 days. Two other students were suspended for 5 days. My entire homeroom of burly boys was split up and sent by ones and twos to other homerooms. In exchange, I received many more girls. Now the gender dynamics in my homeroom are evened out and I like this new group much more.

Now for some stream-of-consciousness updates to bring us to now:

• High schoolers came and read books with the middle schoolers (thus, the new picture that headlines my blog). This was one of the sweetest days I've ever had as an educator so far. I was close to tears for most of the hour as I watched students reading, shyly, with their older partners, smiling and interacting with each other.
• I was given the opportunity to choose what I wanted to teach next year at AVMS. I chose 4 sections of 7th grade LA, and I believe I will be teaching 2 sections of Advanced Writing, or at least 1 section of that with a reading class rounding out my schedule. I am thrilled to have those marvelous 6th graders be some of my students again next year.
• We found out that we will be DOUBLING in size, from 99 students to around 200. We are still looking for a new building and it's possible we have one.
• I took on the Tutoring Coordinator position for extra hourly pay. At our school, parents and students must sign a contract stating that they understand that tutoring is mandatory if their student is requested by a teacher. My job is to make sure every teacher requests students for tutoring each week and that they update a Google doc with the day they are tutoring, the students they will see, and the priority of their tutoring session. I also make sure students get snacks to keep their brain running and work with our Parent Liaison to follow up on students who "forget" about tutoring.
• SIX. SIX SNOW DAYS IN JANUARY 2011, WEEKS 22 AND 23. I am now understanding the boon and the bane of being a teacher in the urban core: with buses unable to handle snowy side streets and students not always having reliable warm clothing, our schools are much more apt to close than others. Our school and the public schools whose weather policies we follow will possibly still be in school come August. Oh well, carpe diem for now, right?

I, Ms. Branch, do solemnly promise to update weekly or at least biweekly on teaching during this spring 2011 semester, so that I can quit writing ridiculous posts like this one and also so I have a record of the joys of "flying the plane while building it" (as our superintendent described this first year at our school).

week 7: testing drives us all insane

"Without feelings of respect, what is there to distinguish men from beasts?" Confucius

"Respect your efforts, respect yourself. Self-respect leads to self-discipline. When you have both firmly under your belt, that's real power." Clint Eastwood

We are FINALLY done with our fall round of NWEA testing! Wahoo! I am not sorry to say goodbye to testing, although I will miss the chance to watch movies all morning...we saw 3 last week: "The Karate Kid" (the ORIGINAL, which has Ralph Macchio in it, who I recognized primarily from "The Outsiders"), "James and the Giant Peach," and "Stand and Deliver" (which is my NEW favorite teaching movie - inspiring, sappy but with great acting).

I met with the Reading Specialist at the high school on Friday. We're almost 7 weeks in to the school year, but I've been having great feelings of trepidation about the reading classes. Since I have the 6th graders for LA as well as Reading, it's been an odd thing trying to keep the classes separate but equal. Not only that, but now that we have seen our NWEA scores, it's official how low the general reading skills are in our student population.

Now that I see what lies before us, I am overwhelmed, but feeling more prepared to organize the amorphous mass of information called Ms. Branch's Reading Class. It's so nice to have a principal that is not asking me to move a mountain but rather provide proof of progress.

Speaking of progress - I have apparently made none in the area of "creating an environment of respect and rapport." A frequent troublemaker threw a massive spitball (2 " wide) onto my Smartboard on Friday. I was so appalled and angry that I know I did not act very Christlike - I kicked him out and another kid who was being disrespectful, then I made the rest of the class write a definition of respect for the classroom and write a word of advice to me for making our classroom a respectful place.

My principal is so tired of seeing the same guys from my class that she announced to these students that any more visits from them to her office will result in a 1 day suspension, no questions asked or discussion allowed.

It is so discouraging to me that I can't think of ways to build respect and kindness into my classroom. All I can think to do is arrive early this week and pray over each desk and each student who will sit there. I need the Lord to show up in my classroom this week.

In other news: I have created a Notewriting Hall of Shame in the teacher's coffee room. So far we have 5 notes hanging up (out of reach of students' eyes of course) and I anticipate there will be many more. Like the multi-hued break up letter from my last post. That one's going front and center. Keeping notes is valuable for several reasons: to inject a little humor into our daily lives, to show us how students actually communicate with one another, to remind me about what communication skills we should tackle in reading class, etc. (I mean, if somebody has to read a break up letter from their middle school love, they should at LEAST be able to get through it quickly instead of painfully trying to decipher the writing!) Pictures soon!

week 6: conviction and stealing notes from students

"The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires." - William Arthur Ward

Quick highlights from weeks 4 and 5:

• Week 4: The main water pipe at AVMS broke, resulting in much drama as our principal tried to figure out if we could still have school that day. She came up with the following arrangement: after lunch,all the kids who needed to use the bathroom would HOP ON THE BUS and drive ACROSS TOWN to a community center who would allow them to use their restrooms and then return to school. The majority of my lunch class went on the 1st bathroom bus, leaving me with 6 students to entertain with riddles for 40 minutes. Hilarious.
• Week 5: Honeymoon period = officially over. A student literally escaped from school in order to avoid P.E. Just walked right out the back door and started walking home through the city. One of the teachers' landlords spotted him and called us. 20 minutes later, we had him safely back. First suspensions this week for fighting, 2 from kids who I wouldn't have expected to be suspended and 2 from kids I DEFINITELY expected.

This week we have NWEA testing,

the state test of Missouri that will confirm for us where our students rank as far as their abilities in reading, writing, and math. So far, so good. My Aztec students test tomorrow and then we will have 2.5 hour classes together on Wednesday and Thursday. Need to gather plenty of insightful activities for that precious group to keep them occupied in the business of becoming better humans.

I confronted an ugly truth about myself this week. Part of my difficulties with teaching stem from one-size-fits-most lesson plans - I have been trying to plan for the "Middle" level of ability in Language Arts, hoping that my high kids stay occupied and the low kids succeed. Instead, what has happened is tons of disengagement as low students give up or wait for me to drag them through while the high kids are bored to tears.

The state of my approach to plann

ing lessons has revolved around hoping, wishing, and defiance. Hoping, not planning, that students succeed. Wishing, not being proactive, concerning the value of my lessons. Defiance, because I am lazy and selfish and do not want to spend extra time creating modified lessons for both low and high students.

Ugly, ugly, ugly.

Why am I here if not to make learning about language and literature acceptable to everyone?

Talk about conviction. The truth is, nothing will change until I am physically and mentally prepared to plan for everything, rather than throwing things together on a single weekend day and calling it good. So within the craziness of this week, I will suck it up and start structuring these lessons better.

In other news, I picked up what may very well be the BEST NOTE I have ever taken from a student during class. Spanglish with a little bit of Spanish gangsta colloquialism thrown in for good measure:

"Dear Christian,

Jajaja srry pero I luv u pero I also love this boy in my school ese (tr: homeboy) Im not trying to brak up with you but also I dont want to lie to you I love you porque you sexy smart pero it's to hard to love 2 boys at the same time mijo (tr: my dear) poreso I want to ask you algo that If you realy loved me you woudnt say que we Aint goin out and all them lies borque if I was you I would not care wat people said about use 2 you now but tell me if you want sombody else oque cuz I cant make you like me Vato (tr: homeboy)"

Just one reason I love teaching middle school: passionate break-up letters with a woefully poor understanding of conventions. Maybe this week we'll do a notewriting assignment so that whoever reads their next break-up letter can stop wasting time trying to decipher the note and be broken hearted faster?

weeks 2 and 3: AZTEC PRIDE

This week marked some significant firsts:

• I got to use my Smartboard in class for the first time,
• My 8th hour Reading class made a classroom tweet for the first time (and consequently I have created a Twitter account for the school year, we'll see if I figure out what we can do with that),
• We had our first middle school assembly,
• Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand drum roll please - here are the first anonymous quotes of the week from AVMS students!

In order from hilarious to ROFL infinity:

3) The teachers were talking about a particular student they all adore, which 1 of us had never met. A meeting was arranged in which the student mentioned previously was sent to the teacher on a fake errand: to tell her his name and shirt size. Apparently the student waltzed into the teacher's room and boldly declared,

"Ms. _________! My name is __________, and I am an M!"

She had no idea what he was talking about, but now she knows who he is.

2) In another class, a student was flipping through a magazine for an assignment. He walked up to the teacher, pointed at an advertisement for alcohol, and asked her,

"Do you do this?"

Her response: "Uhhhhh..."

His response: "Good!"

1) Same student came to my room at the end of the school day. He looks up at me and, in complete sincerity, asks,

"Ms. Branch...have you ever been stabbed?"

I respond with, "No...no I haven't."

I wait for more.

20 seconds later, he says, "Oh, well, I was just wondering...because I have."

Later I found out the stabbing incident involved a female bully and the business end of a sharpened pencil in the shoulder.

But in all seriousness, the first assembly of AVMS was fantastic. Our principal led the group in a serious discussion of achievement and being college-bound. She even started pointing at kids in the audience, asking, "Where are YOU going to college?" Some of the kids had answers: Harvard. Park University. Mizzou. (No K-Staters yet, but I'll keep praying!)

(I'm finishing this post from last Saturday on a rainy Thursday morning, the 2nd day of September in the year of our Lord 2010)

Then my principal had each class stand up: the 7th graders first.

The class of 2016.

I turned around in my seat and watched as my Aztec (homeroom) class of 18 stood up. All those burly boys, some with swagger and some on the shy side.

(When we have our schoolwide Aztec dodgeball tournament, we will crush everyone. LITERALLY.)

Then there were my 3 girls, the minority in our group. All banded together against the tide of testosterone.

All of these students dear to me already after just 2 days together.

I looked in the faces of these students growing into young adults, and my heart swelled with pride. After only 2 days of being with them, they had stolen my heart. I got teary just looking at them, although they were only standing for a few seconds.

The best part is, none of them know how great I think they are.

Hopefully soon, I can start showing it.

______________________________

Week 3 has been marked by serious failure and serious success. I had a moment on Tuesday where everything seemed insurmountable. My plans weren't ready, I was freaking out, and a snowball of accusing thoughts was growing in size and gaining in speed, rushing toward a meltdown.

Then on Wednesday, I had one of the smoothest days ever - activities timed out mostly right, transitions were smoother than before. It's amazing how one day can seem so bleak while the next turns out to be just fine. I'm sure this is a reminder from the Lord to quit letting me emotions have a say in my success.

So tomorrow is College Colors day. Perfect timing since K-State football starts on Saturday! Although do I really care?...no. But an opportunity to brag on my college is always fun. So I'll leave you with some wise words:

BE PROUD. BE PURPLE. GO STATE.

week 1: flexibility and adjustments

"Teachers open the door. You enter by yourself." -Chinese proverb

Although the title of this post no doubt applies to the first week of many teachers across the world, I think I can safely say I own it. Here's why:

Our middle school is brand new this year. We accepted incoming 6th and 7th graders with enrollment capping at 50 per grade. The 7th grade enrollment filled up 2 weeks before school, so our principal sent out the word that 7th grade was closed, but 6th grade was still accepting enrollment.

So on the first day of school, we had students with a 6th grade schedule coming up to us and saying, "I'm a 7th grader!" By mid-day we figured it out: About 20 students were enrolled as 6th graders when they were actually 7th graders. Because their parents wanted them at our school so badly that they lied about their grade level.

This meant that on Thursday, I received 3 new 7th grade classes: my homeroom, and 2 7th grade reading classes. SO now I have 6th and 7th graders this year! Which is great because I was beginning to really regret not having any when I saw them in the hallways, with their all-knowing smirks and self-assured swaggers.

Other things to deal with this week included not having Internet for most of the school days, and our technology was not hooked up. We all learned how to use our projectors so we could at least have Powerpoints going. But there are no laptops for students. Here's hoping that those show up by next month so we can get some Web 2.0 up in here.

But this week, although frustrating and overwhelming, was so beneficial: an exercise in patience and ingenuity, for sure. I give myself a B for overall teacherliness and the stunning display of dominance that came out of me when I met my new homeroom. Subduing a class of 18 students of 12-13 year olds, most of which were boys, is a rare feat indeed for someone who is not exactly a model of strict discipline...

Speaking of those boys - man, does my heart go out to them. All the students are adorable and funny in their own ways, but it's those boys that really get me. I am already mindful of the need to accumulate more books that are boy-friendly and to create more interactive lessons so they can move around and show their stuff instead of being forced to sit and listen to me for 90 minutes. I want to reach them. To show them that Language Arts is a guy-friendly subject, not effeminate or weak or stupid. This 2nd week I hope to get started on that. Again, I can only do so much before the students have to decide for themselves if they want to learn. There's enough going for these kids that, if they can just recognize their potential, hopefully a fire will be lit and they'll do their very best to learn. We will see.

thoughts before the first day of school (in 2 days!)

Tonight my roommate and fellow teacher is making Silly Putty as a practice run-through before she has her students do it in science class next week. It's a trial and error process involving Elmer's Glue-All (very specific), liquid starch, with red food coloring for an added bonus. After the 4th attempt, with pink goo scattered across our sink and staining her hands, she looked up at me and exclaimed, "I hate this already!" We laughed...but it does make me think...

It all goes down on Monday, August 16 - the first day of school at AVMS. We will arrive each day in our finest professional dress (except for Casual Fridays). We'll practice our opening speeches and all our activities (like the Silly Putty example) so we get everything crystal clear. We'll hang out in our classrooms as the students arrive for breakfast and talk with them so they know we care. Yet we'll constantly go over class expectations while furtively attempting NOT to smile before Christmas so we can build a supportive and firm school culture.

There will be nights that go late without sleep so we can get that lesson adjusted for all students to have learning within their grasp. There will be an internal meltdown or 10 before the school year is over as we try to juggle all the complexities of teaching. I know for a fact that my new classroom rug will soon be doing double duty as a prayer space during the week. I need God to be able to move through me and bless these students with words of grace and truth

But there will also be those times when students have that "aha!" moment. And let me tell you: those are some of the most beautiful and exhilarating things you could ever see. It is that kind of moment that reminds me why I'm doing this.

I'm completely terrified about Monday, of course. As I wait for the day to arrive and do last minute things to get ready, it's hard to fight the nagging whispers of the enemy that constantly encourage me to give up. Or that want me to believe I can't teach these kids.

The great thing is, it's true - I can't teach these kids. At least, not solely on my own strength. The only way I can do it is to do my darndest while committing them to the Lord faithfully. To let Him fill me up with knowledge of Him, His love, and His truth, so I can let it slosh over and splash these kiddos when they're in my presence. I will still fail to love them perfectly or teach them flawlessly, but I can be okay with that if He's the one in control...and if I'm getting back up to try again after the failures.

So here's to literacy, word walls, anchor activities and novel studies...to believing that stories connect humans across time and experience...to connecting these students with new ideas and helping those ideas blossom into permanence...to being a vessel of light and truth to these students so that, maybe, they feel a tug to pursue the One who knows them best.

Let's get it started... :)

subbing blues...or, the beauty of a calm classroom

Despite being on a substitute list that is 500+ strong, I have still managed to get several jobs this semester. Maybe the testing season was particularly frustrating this year, resulting in more teachers desperately needing to use up their personal days this spring. whatever the reasons, I and my checking account are glad to be the beneficiary of their flights from the classroom.

As a sub, your day is always interesting. You have several variables to deal with the moment you walk into a school building:

1. You usually don't know the school building.
2. You usually don't know the kids.
3. The teacher's plans may - or may not - actually fill each hour.
4. Kids like to test you to understand your boundaries as the sub.

I learned this the hard way yesterday.

Up until recently, I've been a classic lenient sub. I mostly use verbal corrections to get kids back on track. But if any of them ignore my correction, or give me the look that says, "Make me, why dontcha," I've been slow to act and hesitant. Letting things slide when they could use some interference.

Yesterday a kid used language inappropriate for school - after a warning. I wasn't especially offended, but the principle I have for language is: 1 warning, then the office. So I sent a kid to the office - and I walked him down there, feeling HORRIBLE the whole time.

Discipline sucks. Especially when you realize that the kid you're sending to the office is not a troublemaker. I don't get how teachers, let alone parents, do discipline consistently, but a good friend gave me some quality books on classroom management so I hope to learn about it from them.

23 Things: Reading Edublogs

• The Myth of the Digital Native by "Chris," from Betchablog (1/6/2009)

It's often been suggested that, if you were born in the 1980s or later, that you are a "digital native" who should be fluent in multiple technologies. It's also been suggested that if you are part of any generation other than Gen-Y, that you are a "digital immigrant" in need of major help to acquire any technological understanding.

However, this blog post suggests that just because today's students have been around multiple technologies for years does not make them experts on those technologies. Chris cites multiple examples of Gen-Yers that he has encountered who only understand the basics of technology. An encouraging read for anyone who is unsure of their ability to learn technology because they are "older," and a challenging read for those who wish to implement technology in their classroom.

• Why I Don't Assign Homework by Dan Meyer from dy/dan (3/7/2007)

Interesting thoughts on why homework is unproductive...many of which I agree with the author on. But I'm not sure if it's always a good idea to NOT give homework. Won't students some day have a job that requires them to complete long-term projects in a timely manner? Or won't many students go to college and THEN be confronted with homework?

Could we be teaching helplessness by not, occassionally, assigning homework?

• Patrick's Update by "Patrick," from JHH students blog (2/17/2005)

This is a student's blog, run by what I assume is a school or an individualized blog group for students. Patrick wrote about his desire to pass 5th grade, even though an older brother had told him he wasn't smart enough to pass. I don't know how the teacher worked out the comment system for this blog, but several adults (and even students!) commented on Patrick's post. Lots of encouragement for this young writer!

• One Family's Story of Survival by "Carleigh," from A Really Different Place (1/19/2009)

Here is another student blogger who wrote about the plane that crashed in the Hudson River in January 2009. This blog seems to be a good example of student writing - apparently the writers are not just in one classroom but come from all over the country.

• How to Prevent Another Leonardo Da Vinci by Kris Bradburn from Wandering Ink (5/23/2007)

This post is the most provocative of all the blogs I've read today. Kris laid out the post in the order of 10 traits belonging to Leonardo Da Vinci, according to the book How to Think Like Leonardo DiVinci.

The basic position Kris takes is that modern education kills creativity and innovation. I don't want to agree with this...but to some extent, I know this is true. The education system in this country is broken. It's testingtestingtesting all the time. In most school systems, teachers just don't have the flexibility to create a better educational experience. Or, honestly, they don't have the energy and time to build a Da Vinci-friendly classroom.

Yes, we need to do as much as we can to inspire students by applying their interests and talents to the curriculum. But at the same time, let's be fair and realize that the small steps teachers take to build a better educational experience DO COUNT, even if they can't overthrow the system.

drum roll please...

I GOT A TEACHING JOB!!!

After a phone interview and a demonstration lesson, I will be the 6th grade Language Arts and Reading teacher at Alta Vista Charter School for the 2010-2011 school year!

This school serves a 97% Latino population from the KCMO school district. The school was only for grades 9-12, but this fall, they are bringing in a brand new class of 6th graders to start a middle school.

On my agenda:

1) continue Web 2.0 experience

2) re-learn Spanish

23 Things for Web 2.0

Mark Fox from TheTeachersHub tweeted about a single school's initiative to invite their teachers to explore the wide and wonderful world of Web 2.0 via a list of 23 "things." I don't think I've really recorded much about Web 2.0 so far in the life of this blog, so I think this is the perfect opportunity to do just that. I'm a few weeks late though, whoops. Here's to catching up with all my free time that I enjoy so blissfully...

Thing #1 of the 23 Things Project is - Blogging. :) The assignment is to create a Blogger account (check), create a blog (check,) choose your template (check). Now for the questions, to be answered in post form:

Q1) Why am I participating (from a distance) in the 23 Things Project?

A) See the above statement regarding Web 2.0 and the purpose of this particular blog.

Q2) What interests me about Web 2.0?

A) Teaching, as I know it on from both sides of the desk, is an art that ought to be constantly evolving to meet the needs of the students. Today, this means walking that fine line between entertainment and engagement. It means competing with iPods, YouTube, Facebook, Myspace, the Internet in general, TV and radio for students' attention - which, sometimes, can be done by pointing out exactly how Beyonce's new song expresses the theme of the novel we're reading in class, or by making Facebook pages for the characters from the short story unit.

But this kind of creativity and "fun" teaching is so much easier said than done in a culture of standardized tests that requires proof of proper performance to determine who passes and who fails (i.e., who gets funds and who doesn't). When we are so pressed and harassed by that urgent need to make sure as many students as possible understand as much as possible about English literature as quickly as possible, and all in time for the test, who really has time for this Web 2.0 stuff?

And yet. It can be done. I think starting small is the key. Like that Facebook page idea. A poster project. Clear requirements about the information needed. Time to work on it in class and share it with everyone. A billboard or wall devoted to the end results.

Web 2.0 is about connections. And in a time when students are more connected than any other generation of human beings have ever been before, Web 2.0 is the set of tools that fits them and their learning needs. It's up to the teachers to dig in and experiment to find out what is out there that can be put into a student's hands to help her build a bridge to connect ideas.

In conclusion, the tools I am interested in are:

• Classroom wikis that students add information to periodically during class throughout the school year.
• A class blog with updated entries that students must reply to for homework.
• Podcasting or creating a VoiceThread to compile students' reviews of a book, story, or unit, or even a project, while having a little fun.
• Photo or slideshow animation to jazz up those important Powerpoints or Keynotes.
• Google Tools, like using Google Earth to create Google Lit Trips, where students can actually map out significant places on the globe from stories we read in class.
• My Mac software, like iPhoto, iMovie, and GarageBand, which I would love to use frequently in my future classroom to jazz things up a bit.

I'm so excited about this 23 Things Project because I still feel like I have a long way to go to competently use these tools. Fortunately, in this case, being unemployed is a benefit - I can spend the next several days brushing up on what I do know and adding to my arsenal what I don't know yet. Hooray!

In the words of the indomitable Black Eyed Peas, "Let's get it started. Ha!"

possible jobs + contagious encouragement

Good news...although this is a poor economy for new teachers to enter, and high schools all around the area are cutting more teaching positions this year, there are still schools hiring here and there. I have been learning about God's provision and personal flexibility. He is going to bring me opportunities, but they may not look like what I thought I would pursue for my first year teaching job.

For example, I am currently working on a lesson plan for an interview for a 6th grade Language Arts position - and I am getting more excited by the day. On Feb. 9 i get to teach this lesson plan to some students and then we'll see what happens...

Also, today I had coffee with a good friend from college, and we spent the bulk of our time together emphatically discussing how great it would be if she became a high school theatre teacher. It's so great to see people catch on to teaching, especially when it's obvious how great they would be as teachers.

So, here's to trying out new things and continuing the job hunt.

thoughts on Haiti

*Quick sidenote: please pray about giving to support aid to Haiti! Here are at least 3 reputable organizations that you can trust to care for the Haitians' physical AND spiritual needs during this disaster: WorldVision, Compassion International, and Samaritan's Purse.

As news coverage of Haiti continues to provide updates in the wake of the earthquake, I find myself wondering again how power and wealth reside in some countries, but not in others. Apparently I'm due for an Anth 200 review of world history and the World Simulation.

I'm also wondering: How does God feel about the state of poverty in the world, particularly countries like Haiti?

Based on Scripture and what I know of His nature (the very little I know), I assume it breaks His heart far more than it could ever break ours. In Psalm 12, David writes about the oppression of the poor by wicked people. In verse 5 God speaks suddenly: " 'Because of the oppression of the afflicted and the groaning of the poor, I will now rise up,' says the Lord. 'I will put in a safe place the one who longs for it.' " These two sentences show so much about God's awareness of the effects of poverty and His compassion towards those caught in it.

It's times like these, when news of the world's hurt touches our hearts, how true it is that the only One who can fix the mess is Jesus Christ. Emergency aid helps, donations help, education helps (of course I believe in this since I plan to be an educator myself), community programs help. But ultimately, all that help falls short of a person's real need: to find purpose in getting lost in the story of God for His glory.

I began following Samaritan's Purse on Twitter and saw this for myself:

BHMhaiti

@SamaritansPurse chaplains have led 5 ppl to the Lord in our hospital today. God is moving even in the desperation that surrounds #Haiti. (about 3:30 pm)

merry end of 2009!

Well, the student teaching semester officially ended on December 10, 2009. I graduated from college 2 days later and now I find myself enjoying the life of a lazy bum a little bit too much.

Good thing the holidays are here to help me excuse my behavior for a few more days. There's something about just hanging around the house that I love so much: eating our leftovers, eating our Christmas candy, watching Nat Geo or History Channel specials with my dad, watching movies with my family, basically eating and watching TV in general...it could be pretty embarrassing if everybody knew how much TV is actually watched and how much treats are actually consumed around our home on a daily basis.

Anyway, the thought of going back into a school makes me groan inside. Just a wee bit. I sure do love not having to do anything. I guess I could more adequately say: I love wasting my time. This love of cruising Facebook for the latest gossip is sometimes beneficial - today I was able to call a friend and congratulate her on her engagement and her fetching new diamond, a mere day after the event, because of FB photo updates. But lingering over FB to get all caught up on everybody's doings is slightly lame. Just like zipping around on Etsy and jcrew's sale section to shop for everything I don't really need is kind of silly. Especially when it takes up an hour or two.

I have all this free time because of a December graduation with a degree that doesn't lend itself well to a mid-year-job opening. So, this would really be a great time to write. To read. And write some more. To scrapbook - maybe even finish scrapbooking freshman year of college (which was begun this summer...yick)!

But I do want a job, though. At least there's a few more days of productive leisure to be had before I hit up the school websites again...

week 13: Bueller...Bueller....

Good thing my blog is not like a classroom, or I'd be that incredibly frustrating, constantly absent student who is currently failing. This email is an attempt to sum up the past 3 weeks.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED LATELY, OR, THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY

The Good:
1. Some students will like you, not because they think you're a great teacher or you're really cool - they'll just like you. This can mean a lot when you aren't sure how well you're connecting to other students or how good your lessons are.
2. Constant criticism is sometimes given by people who want you to toughen up and meet your potential.
3. Seeing students grow has become the goal and joy of my teaching. The rapport between me and them is also wonderful.

The Bad:
1. There's a lot more to memorize and remember than I thought.
2. Nobody ever tells you in college about handling students' papers and materials, or about getting procedures down. This is something you get to experience firsthand.
3. You WILL have to teach grammar, and they WON'T teach you how in college, so you have to learn on the fly.

The Ugly:
1. It's more important to get less-exciting lessons planned for a month or more than it is to plan on the fly as great ideas come to you. The latter method of planning will kill your spirit with stress!
2. I absolutely hate receiving passive-aggressive disapproval. And I've been getting it a lot with one teacher.

Hard to believe that I am going to be done full-time teaching in 2 1/2 weeks. After that I get to co-teach for a few days, then visit other classrooms to observe other teachers, and then I'll graduate. The graduation stuff came in the mail yesterday, and looking over those Powercat-emblazoned graduation announcements, I could feel that my parents were very proud of me. Another little thing that means a lot.

THE DEATH - OR REFOCUSING - OF IDEALISM

My best friend Katie wrote about a change in her perception of idealism last week. It's a timely post, especially as I've found that I am developing a more realistic way of looking at education.

During this student teaching semester, my romantic notions of teaching have been revealed to be a thin veneer of icing on top of a rock-hard cake of reality.

All the cool lesson ideas I gleaned from the Internet? Impossible or difficult to apply to the classrooms I've had.

My goal of implementing so much cool technology it would rock my students' worlds? Only 1 assignment, to make a Facebook page for a short story character, came close. And that was done on paper, not Facebook itself. (Although I will be learning to utilize some neat software called Beyond Question next week, through which I hope to get more tech in my teaching before I'm no longer the lead teacher.)

My dream of students loving me? HAHA. Most are tolerable of me, which is a bigger deal than I thought it would be, and a few do seem to genuinely like me. But all of a sudden, it's no longer such a need for me to have students think I'm more happening than Bella and Edward put together. Instead, it's more important that they have enough stuff to do and that the stuff is relevant.

To be idealistic is to believe fervently in the hope that people will change. For me, the idealism includes:

• nurturing the next generation of great novelists and newswriters;
• bringing students who can barely sound out words to a point where they can read and comprehend grade-level text on their own;
• directing students' hearts and minds toward the people and situations in their lives who can most benefit from their compassionate attention;
• and, most importantly, shedding light on the Truth that I know is present in the good works of literature that Westerners revisit again and again.

It's not that these things aren't worth believing in and pursuing. It's just that they can't be touched or even glanced at until the mundane practices of procedure, control, and discipline are firmly set in place. Without control and guidance, students become their own bosses, and suddenly, directing their attention to worthwhile things is not unlike an attempt to herd 50+ cats - all with iPods and cell phones firmly attached to their ears.

It's amazing how quickly my sympathies for these kids fizzled to the point that I was having to lay aside their actions and force myself to care about them. I never saw that coming. It's those kids who refuse to do even the simplest assignment; who boldly mouth off to you; who can't quit talking to or harrassing their classmates even for a few minutes; who sit and stare into space while their grade quietly swirls down the drain. I have come to this part of the semester more realistic about loving kids - it's an act of the will sometimes.

Perhaps the biggest lesson I have learned this semester is that the idealistic views I hold about everything must be tempered by reality - particularly with teaching. But I still think once I get into the rhythm of establishing my classroom as a place to learn and grow, learning and growth will happen, and these idealistic hopes and dreams may come true, even if just for one student. In which case, the belief and endurance of idealism will have proved to be so very worth it.

LOOKING AHEAD

This coming week, I will apply for my first year teaching license. It's called an initial/conditional license. The emergency sub license should be on its way next month and then I'll receive the REAL license in January.

I've nearly completed 3 applications for employment in the "big 3" districts. The part I'm waiting on is references, because I am hoping and praying for a positive reference from one of the school principals next week. I have 2 observations by the principal and 1 of the associate principals on the SAME DAY. YIKES!

Looking forward to: applying for my license, finishing these last 2 units so things can wind down, seeing my sister in Springfield this weekend. Joy.