week 1: butterflies and confidence

I added a picture from a springtime view of the gorgeous Kansas Flint Hills to the top of this blog. In the 9th grade Honors class I observed today, the students were learning about symbols. Thus, to show that I was paying attention, I suggest that this photograph is a symbol of education moving the wayward traveler along her path in life. Nice, right? :)

After tomorrow my first week as a student teacher will be over. Although it's only been four days, it really feels like Monday actually happened LAST week - that's how long the days have felt and how much I've seen/learned in the past 4 days. I've been soaking up my observation time each day and leading the 9th classes for a few short lessons (in grammer, no less - blech. let me tell you, the sullen looks of boredom and the torture of these grammar lessons on those students' faces is absolutely WRETCHED. something i want to fight tooth and nail when i take over in a few weeks. ).

I am dissatisfied with the trend I already see in myself: that, much like a pot of boiling water, I start off cold with the students in the 1st block, then only get hot and poppin' around 5th block. Sadly, I bet part of it's the coffee finally kicking in. Still, I am waiting to fall into the rhythm of readiness that comes with being at school each morning, prepared and ready for those first blocks of the day. Each student deserves my best, and the morning blocks shouldn't miss out because the student teacher was still working on her caffeine fix.

The truth is, I am still pretty nervous when I get up to lead a class. My mind gets fuzzy and I forget important details when I'm speaking to them, I speak too quickly, and/or I muddle my words by my classic mumbling skills. In a way, it was interesting to see how my confidence grew and the butterflies in my tummy were quelled after the first few times of going through the routine of the same lesson taught to different students. I'd just like to be that way, to be on and going strong, ALL the time. A work in progress, I guess.

So you can see why it's a good thing I'm not totally alone at the front yet! I have 2 cooperating teachers, Ms. S and Ms. B. Ms. S teaches 9th regular English and Mrs. B teaches 10th Honors English. Their classrooms are side-by-side in the "garden level" of the school (what every other person, including myself, would call the basement). The rooms have no windows but are still bright and the temp doesn't fluctuate nearly as much as you would expect. It's relatively quiet down there because students only come down when they have a purpose, like class. Consequently, the hallway is not filled like the upstairs hallways with the crush of student bodies slowly trickling to classes and winding around pockets of people chatting. The gymnasiums, large and auxiliary, are a few hallways down from my teachers' classrooms. I walk past them to visit the restroom or fill up my water bottle. I plan to take pictures for my own use soon, but I'll have to check to see whether I can actually post them on here.

This week I've learned a few things about the students in my classes and how teachers teach them:

1. It is a lot more difficult than I thought to distinguish which students belong in which social groups. Of course, there are the athletes and the cheerleaders. Then there are a few who stand out because of their apparel. You have the artsy-"scene"-fashionista girls who wear high waisted skirts, brightly colored Keds and those goofy black plastic glasses with no frames. (Seriously, what is that about? Don't get it.) On the flip side, you get the skinniest skinny jeans in all kinds of colors - the best I've seen so far was a zebra striped pink and blue pair. But for the most part, the students are just students. They wear jeans, T-shirts, hoodies, tennis shoes and flipflops, and as I look out at them from the front of the room, I can't always pinpoint who is popular and who's not. I expected that with my sharp memories of the pain of high school cliques that I would instantly catch on to the "who's-who" of this school, but apparently not. That's probably a good thing.
2. Summer reading gets very little time in the classroom - about a week and that's it. The 10th H students took their "Once and Future King" test the 2nd day of school and now they're over it - or rather, Mrs. B is over it. Soon they'll be starting Elie Wiesel's "Night." It's made me realize how precious classroom time really is for teachers as far as the curriculum THEY want to cover rather than covering the summer reading that they didn't necessarily choose.
3. Freshmen students are quite possibly the toughest crowd I've ever encountered. I tried to get them to react by telling a pretty detailed story about my weekend at the Ozarks and how I murdered a poor catfish because I thought I knew how to take out a hook - but instead jammed it down his throat with the pliers. No response. Maybe they were busy dreaming of fried catfish, since it was lunch time?
   
4. Ms. S and I were talking about the difference between regular students and honors students when she caught me off guard with this statement (paraphrased): "I have students in my regular class who are smart enough to be in the honors class. The only difference between honors students and regular students is that the honors students have more drive." I have NEVER thought of that before, ever. Probably because I was an honors student with barely any drive...now I know why most teachers want to teach honors - most of them are the kids who really want to be there.

Well, that's the essence of week 1. Now on to the weekend and week 2!

"The best thing for being sad...is to learn something. That is the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then - to learn." T.H. White (Once and Future King)