week 3: flexability...frustration

I wrote such a sunny entry last week, but this week changed things up a bit...

On Monday I learned that 60 more freshman students had enrolled at the school than were anticipated. This meant that some of the freshman English classes were shuffled around and even pulled from some teachers' schedules in order to re-hire a teacher whose position was eliminated last year. What did this mean? It meant that Ms. S was ecstatic to have only 5 classes to plan for, with 2 free hours for planning. It also meant that I lost her 6th hour class, which had some awesome students whom I was sad to let go.

Now I have 2 freshman classes (with 17 kids that have IEPs) and 3 sophomore honors classes. Things are going to shift a little bit to accomidate the very different needs of these kids. But this is part of what teaching - and life - is about, I suppose. Learning to deal with dramatic changes on the fly. Not getting your feathers too ruffled. Rolling up your sleeves and doing the dirty work.

You may be thinking, "Well, duh. How do you not get this is what life means?" But the fact is, I have very rarely set out to accomplish a task by working step by step from A to B to C to D to E to F to G etc. Most of my life I have wasted time trying to find short cuts from A to G - shortcuts that require the least amount of work and the quickest avenue to success. Too bad most of the time, these shortcuts really don't exist. So I end up doing a whole lot of nothing. It is deiniftely possible to fritter your life away wishing to get somewhere when all you need to do is get up, step forward, open the door, and GO.

I think I'm finally in a place in my life where I have no other option but to work my hardest to get from step A to step B. This is a good thing. I have students who need my instruction to be differentiated so they can come away with understanding. I have supportive teachers who can lead me in this and I have the wise advice of countless individuals available through my educational communities online. Not to mention the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self-control that comes from my Lord who led me to this school for such a time as this.

How sweet it is to know that God knows all of our days before one of them comes to be. How delightful to rest in the certainty that He has a calling on each of our lives, and that He will bring His purposes to pass. The key is to keep the communication line with Him wide open.

Anyway, I learned about flexibility this week, and I experienced some frustration with my lessons. I truly felt like the kids were stone-bored and hating me by the end of the week. My CT and I had taken turns reading a 17-page short story aloud, since we don't yet know who can read aloud and who can't. My CYOA activity did not produce the shining eyes and bright smiles that I anticipated. After class I couldn't hide my disappointment.

Good thing God placed me with these wise, experienced teachers. The CT wanted to know why I thought it was a failure when at one point, ALL the students were reading the books and making decisions like I asked them to, completely engaged. She reminded me that high school students will RARELY if EVER give me the facial expressions of joy and/or interest during instructional time.

I am learning that teachers can NOT measure the success of their lessons based on the looks on students' faces.

THis 3 day weekend is oh-so-welcome. On Tuesday I have my first clinical observation, with the 1st freshman class of the day. I need prayer if you can spare it. :)


"Do not follow me! Let's just be fabulously where we are and who we are. You be you and I'll be me, today and today and today, and let's trust the future to tomorrow. Let the stars keep track of us. Let us ride our own orbits and trust that they will meet. May our reunion be not a finding but a sweet collision of destinies!"

(on reunions, from Love, Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli)